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Everything's okay!

Mar. 12th, 2017 | 10:40 am

I received official confirmation yesterday that I am okay!! I have no tumour, just a mass of internal scar tissue so I have nothing to worry about!

Phew!!!

As I sit here writing this it is with a huge sense of relief and with a feeling of gratitude that I get the chance to keep living and doing everything I want to. I've been told to go out and celebrate, but weirdly I don't want to (and those of you that know me, know I usually don't need much of an excuse to go out and party!).

I am feeling mixed emotions instead - thinking of those men and women I chatted away to as we drank the awful liquid prior to our scans - a couple of them knew they had terminal cancer - they wouldn't be getting the great news I have had. Have the others that were there heard too? I'm thinking of my friends and family that have gone through or are still going through the nightmare of cancer diagnosis. I feel a bit bad celebrating because they can't. 

I am so happy with my own news and can focus on the future again, but it is tinged with these thoughts of others not so lucky. I suppose that's why I've carried on with all the fundraising over the years - wanting to give something back... & talking of that, the plans for the June Masquerade Ball are coming on brilliantly (our next big event) with all tables sold out and all the entertainment sorted - just so you know!

So what next? Well hopefully I will see the consultant at the start of next month and he will tell me if there is anything we need to do further with the scar tissue. I will get on with my life and put as much back into the Christie as I can via the fundraising. And life goes on...

I tried to find an awe-inspiring quote for that but none seemed right...so instead here's the fab card I got from my mum!!

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Spinning Around

Feb. 26th, 2017 | 05:29 pm

Wowser, ive just realised as I log on here to dump my crazy thoughts that it's nearly 3 years since I've blogged!! And that's fab because it means I've been OK!

So why am I back now? Well it's because I can't get the knot out of my stomach and as I lie awake in bed each night tossing and turning, with scary thoughts spinning around me, and i wake up each day feeling anxious, I thought it was about time I cleared my head and got everything out in the way that always used to work for me - open & honest blogging!

I've met many new people over the last few years who have no idea of the journey I've been on. To them I am just bubbly, smiley Sam, and i love that. I love life. I support others. I throw myself into work, gym, food (balanced you see!!).  I'm kind and loyal,  til crossed, (then watch out as I won't always wait for Karma to kick in). And i don't ever judge - who knows what journey any of us have been on to lead us to where we are now.

Lately I've done things I wouldn't normally do, just to distract myself from my thoughts. I'm doing everything at a hundred miles an hour just to keep my mind busy to the point where that in itself has started to become a tad stressful. 

So why am I so anxious? Well for a while now I've struggled to catch my breath, and I've noticed it loads lately when I talk - often losing my voice by the end of the sentence. I am sure it's nothing but I'm also highly aware that I have to let the Christie know about any changes like this. In my mind I've now got another tumour on my chest. They've seen me and they aren't too worried but they want to scan it to make sure (and I'm sure its only to reassure me!). I know I should stop worrying..but I can't help it, I'm just a bit scared.

Putting it into words like this helps me rationalise it in a way that I can't when it's spinning around in my head in the middle of the night.

It's 9 years this year since I was first diagnosed. I know I'm lucky to still be here. I've lost close family,  and friends have lost theirs to the big C since my last blog. Yes i have scars, and will always worry that the big C will come back one day and win. But i embrace life cos i know how it can be taken away quickly. I have fun. I will carry on and I will be fine when this is all sorted.

Just bear with me while I go through my anxiety crisis. It's all good, it will all be ok so don't worry and don't talk to me about it, I'm just telling you now so I can clear my head!!

Sam ❤

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May this be the longest month so far!

Jun. 1st, 2014 | 10:56 pm

So today is the 1st of June and for once I'm writing to say that thankfully the month of May did not fly by as quickly as the previous few months!

Not sure why, perhaps it's because there were a few key dates in the month- my birthday, my yearly mammogram, and most important to remember was the 21st May which marked the 6 years since I was originally diagnosed.

Coincidentally the 21st May was also Wig Wednesday, raising money for Clic Sargent (a charity supporting young people with cancer). Everyone in our department at work in Manchester donned wigs and I finally found a use for all those wigs I've been storing in the lift from all our charity do's!

This month I've also shared my blog with another couple of ladies that have started the same journey as me - both recently diagnosed, relatively young & no idea what to expect. Both have been in touch to say how much the blog has helped- I always said if if could help at least one person I'd be happy, so 2 in one month is fantastic! I know they'll both be ok, they have the same humour and attitude as me so they'll be force to be reckoned with! I will be cheering them both on and be keeping in touch to provide as much support as I can.

Off now as my daughter and her mates have come back from stalking 5 Seconds of Summer - she's grown up so much lately, her confidence and humour is shining through. I won't go on but just to say she's had her photo taken with her favourite band member all thanks to her determination. Proud mum!

Here's to a happy June!

Xxx

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It's me birfday!!

May. 12th, 2014 | 09:07 pm

Hey just a quick one to let u know I have made it to another birthday and to thank everyone for the birthday wishes! That's another year older and another year where i can appreciate the fact that I'm still around to celebrate it - whoop whoop!!!

Can't understand how anyone can bemoan getting older - it's so much better than the alternative!

Happy Birthday to me! (And to Karen my adopted twin and much loved stalker) xxxx

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Blink and you missed it!

May. 6th, 2014 | 09:58 pm

Oh my lord, what happened to April?! It went by quicker than March!

So here we are in May, and next Monday will be my birthday! Last week, at the end of April, my little sister turned 40 which makes me feel really old, but that's a good thing, I like being here getting old :)

I'm still keeping fit & I actually ran about 4 miles last weekend for the first time ever-with my other half following me riding the bike I never got round to riding! I'll try and start running at least once a week now as I quite enjoyed it in a sadistic kind of way!

Apart from a week of feeling really poorly with some kind of viral gastroenteritis over Easter, April was pretty uneventful I think - and thank goodness we just had another bank holiday weekend as I was able to make up for being ill and sleeping through the last one!

Let's hope May goes a little slower now than the last two months!

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March in a Nutshell

Apr. 13th, 2014 | 08:52 pm
mood: happy

Ok ok I'm officially rubbish at getting round to blogging these days - I suppose it's not a bad thing, it's just that other things fill my life now and I ponder less!

I did promise to do more though and I wanted to do a blog at least once a month, so let's call this the one the March one...

March in a nutshell:

I joined the gym (again) but have been really focused and over the last 6 weeks I've gone at least 5 times a week.

Loving doing the classes- spinning, boxercise, Kettleblast and 15:15 to name but a few.

Not lost weight but do feel much much better, I'm getting my shape back and feel healthier than ever.

Works great, challenging as ever but still enjoying it.

I've become community investment champion for my function and recently held the 1st event- a bake sale and dress done day at 3 sites, London, Edinburgh and Manchester, raising £870 for Cancer Research UK.

My daughter picked her options for GCSEs, making me feel really old as it doesn't seem long since I was picking mine!

Not been on holiday yet this year, really missing my usual Judith Chalmers lifestyle!

Think that's it- the month flew by and it was a case of blink and you missed it!

Not sure if it's an age thing, but the speed that this year is going is scaring me! I keep trying to slow it down but I can't!

I will endeavor (again) to do more updates in April - although given we are halfway through the month, I'm not going to promise anything!

Anyway, I hope u are all well and continuing to live life to the full with your PMA xxx love always, the Cheeky One xxx

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Shapes

Feb. 19th, 2014 | 09:20 pm

February has been the month of getting in shape - mainly trying to make sure that shape isn't round anymore! I've started doing various keep-fit classes at the gym and booking them all in, one a day, a week in advance to make sure I do them.I was apprehensive at first, and still am a bit when it's a new class, particularly as I'm going alone, but it's been great so far and despite the torture of some classes, I've felt good at the end if it!

I tried getting fit at home but it's not worked as I get distracted and find I don't work half as hard. It's also good for me to get out of the house, otherwise it becomes work then home and no time for me (been there, done that, and it makes you frustrated). If I finally keep this up then I'll be so proud of myself! I can then throw shapes on the dance floor on my girly holiday without worrying about my bingo wings and saddlebags ;)

Oh and talking of being proud, I got confirmation from Christies recently that we Living with Molly peeps have officially raised over £42,115 now, so thank you for your continued support xxxx

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Lifting those January Blues

Jan. 29th, 2014 | 10:02 pm
mood: happier!

Just a very quick blog to say hello, happy new year, and hope you're all ok!

I've spent a lot of this month in my own little bubble which I do when I'm not feeling great. I've not been ill, just fed up. Loads of things upsetting me, overweight, unfit, crappy hair, feeling peed off generally and constantly tired. After speaking to a few good friends this last couple of weeks I realise that I'm not on my own and I have just been suffering with the January Blues.

I have since started eating more healthily, exercised more regularly, had a proper good haircut to make me look less frumpy and spent more time with friends who lift my spirits!

We can't always shake off those blues, but just making a few small positive changes can make a huge difference.

Happy January (well the 2 days of it that are left!!) xx

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Merry Christmas to All!

Dec. 24th, 2013 | 09:53 pm
mood: happy

Just a quick blog to wish you all a Happy Christmas and a fabulous New Year!

Whatever circumstances you're in and whatever worries you may have, please lock them away in the back of your mind at least over the festive period and make this Christmas one full of great memories for you and your family, it what we all deserve & what you will all treasure in the years to come.

Life is one hell of a journey with it's many ups and downs and I've come to realise that you have to go through the downs to truly appreciate the ups.

Have a great one folks and keep smiling. (If nothing else it makes everyone wonder what you're up to... Plus it's infectious!!)

Lots of love xxxx

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Christmas is Coming (again)

Dec. 8th, 2013 | 10:24 pm

Well I sit here tonight looking at the house all lit up with fairy lights and I am feeling very Christmassy!

Everyone who's followed my blog in the past knows how much I love Christmas, it's a really special time for me and I want the kids to have the same great memories I have of childhood christmas's gone by.

I got my tree yesterday, deciding to have a real one this year. I got all the decs down from the loft, went to put the lights on the tree (has to be done before the baubles go on!) only to find I had no lights!! How did that happen?! I went back in the loft thinking I may have left them with the old tree. No :(

So I had to wait til the shops opened this morning, joining the masses getting their lights and trees and presents, then spent hours getting the tree and rest of the house ready. It's hard work but looks fab and I can now relax.

I've also bought all my presents now, not bad seeing as I refused to start shopping til December! All that's left is to start wrapping them - oh and writing cards! This time last year I had a broken wrist (accident at the works Xmas do!) so I couldn't write out cards. I've no excuse this year as the works do (with my old team and colleagues) went without any mishaps, I just can't bring myself to focus on sitting and writing!

Talking of work, and Christmas do's. I could in theory have gone to 3 do's - unfortunately due to my son being poorly I missed the first of the nights out with the department from my last role, made it to the second one (unscathed!) but as I don't start my next job tomorrow it may be a little late to get an invite to a third!

This time last year as I sat frustrated with a broken wrist, I would never have thought I'd have worked for 3 big banks a year later! It just shows, you never know what can happen if you put your mind to it :)

Anyway, i suppose I'd best get ready for tomorrow. Here's my tree - it's already looking lobsided - eek!! Xx

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